omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize