I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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