Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
