wrigley field is MILF paradise
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize