Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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