I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
