just come out here and I will go home with you...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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