that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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