They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
