And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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