she was so not down for the gang bang
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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