i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
