Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You're like the curious george of whores
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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