So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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