My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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