yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
