I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
