look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
