I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize