My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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