im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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