No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
