i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
