i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
