i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
