Do you still have your period?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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