How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
