I think im going to throw up on grandma
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
