She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
