but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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