Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
