When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
