my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
