As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
