She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
