theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
