Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
