U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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