I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize