i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
