Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize