We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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