i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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