so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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