Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
