I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
