Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
