hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
only if we run a train.
done.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
