Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
