she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
organizing the empties. That sober.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
