cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
