I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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