Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
