Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
