I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
