Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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