He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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