the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
