Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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