Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
where are my eyebrows?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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