I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
