note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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