I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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