Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
