So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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