i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
