I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
